Ambiguity and Madness

I sure wish I had something to write about

I wish I had something to say

I wish I had a little stability

But what good is stability anyway

Do you think as you see yourself thinking

Do you think you like what you see?

I've been way long gone for a long, long time

Please don't tell me where you're going

I won't ask you where you've been

I'll come back as fast

When I'm unbroken

These days meander empty without you

These days wander lost in ambiguity

These days are

To hell with possibility anyway

You don't have to prove yourself to anyone.

"The result of a bad mood is a passive way to say that you have a chemical imbalance which has resulted in perspective - objective and subjectively simplified and melded into your chances and the existence of bountiful blasts exploding and imploding as these little moments call upon the world to exist in your bouncy bubble of the univers.

You can sometimes take words and make your sentences dynamic and often loud with a forest of silence which may be a year or a decade and you may decide to hell with it and write down these solid epiphanies and you may not to decide to hell with it and just prove that if you make yourself clear, you must make sure I am listening to the elements to concretely establish, but recognition is not awareness, and you don't have to prove yourself to anyone, but I saw you prove that to me this evening; and you will always be the one who I wish I drew trust.

You left me in the dust.

I am not just out to prove the point that you don't have to prove anything to anyone - even yourself - intentions and other words are subjective and we have heard it all before.

I am choosing to be broken-hearted.

I have nothing to prove to myself.

I have everything to prove to myself.

I can prove that I have absolutely NOTHING to prove and thus tell the truth that tells a lie to the truth and go on and on and on just like an average purpose or an ordinary pursuit.

Or I can prove something. I have proved that I can write myself into a circle and I may prove not to be affected by the way you drew the line and left me in the dust tonight. And you did it literally and you can fuck off.

And it's pointless.

I asked myself to break the cycle. I broke even tonight because I have someone who loves me for who I am even when I am not. She watches me stand and shake and shiver and she shines upon me like the sun. 

I get an email from my new contract boss. I only know he is out of his mind because I let him break me. I am not smart enough to figure out what he is up to, but I will smile at my lack of understanding.

I am finished.

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